dive for dreams
or a slogan may topple you
(trees are their roots
and wind is wind)

trust your heart
if the seas catch fire
(and live by love
though the stars walk backward)

honour the past
but welcome the future
(and dance your death
away at this wedding)

never mind a world
with its villains or heroes
(for god likes girls
and tomorrow and the earth) - E. E. Cummings

"Don’t be afraid to be a fool. Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. Cynics always say no. But saying yes begins things. Saying yes is how things grow. Saying yes leads to knowledge. “Yes” is for young people. So for as long as you have the strength to, say yes." — Stephen Colbert, Knox College Commencement Address — 3 June 2006

Optimism may grow tinny and annoying, buzzing around like clumsy fireflies on a sweltering night. But consider this, you have nothing to lose by loving things and loving them loudly. Hearts should be swollen and bursting at the seams- there are so many people, places, cultures, emotions, objects, and experiences to love! How, or when, do human beings get over the wonderment and amazement to be alive? It seems impossible. What else have we got anyway? Whoodeedoo~ I blame the wooziness induced by essay/imminent-stress fatigue. Good night.

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands - E. E. Cummings

Whoa, I haven't posted in so long. To summarise it concisely, As are over and I am spending my days as extravagantly as I can. J-dramas: check. Animes: check. K-dramas: boohoo, after the hilarity and sweetness that was You're Beautiful. Trainings, check. Aching left, right and centre after trainings and using it as an excuse to vegetate twelve hours before the computer screen: check. Then of course, there was prom, which was quite a night to remember. The movies, Ninja Assasin and New Moon, both of which were not very memorable. (Except Lee Joon's jawline, duh. I suspect that he is sculpted marble.) Going crazy over Korean celebrities: check, check and CHECK. MBLAQ members are adorable dorks, U-Kiss's Dongho brings out your inner maternal instinct and Lee Seung Gi is simply, Lee Seung Gi. :)

At present, I feel so illiterate and uncultured. Tomorrow, I will borrow a couple of thick classics and cross them off my reading list. I will watch a few artsy films and reflect on the poignancy of life. I will commit beautiful lyrics to memory and sing poems to the wind hahaha, okay, that is quite enough. Everything will come in its time and I will just take things slowly. Two more weeks before my job training starts, and it had better be the laziest fortnight that I have ever enjoyed. :) Sims 3, here I come~

Walking home today, I was in a foul mood, scowling and glowering at everything: the rattling drills, the ants on the fence, the poser with tootight pants. Then, this song popped up and before long, I found myself yelling out the lyrics huffily, weird looks bedamned. Definitely not a pretty sight, but hey, it worked. Maybe it was because the guitar riffs were simple and ear-catching, maybe it was because the words resonated with me, maybe it was because it was 五月天, I don't know. What I was sure of, however, is that if one more person extends a friendly reminder for me to start studying, I would instantly self-implode. Thank you for the loyalty and the warmheartedness, but please understand I have this stupid rebellious streak that is usually very well-hidden. Examinations, revision and sciences are really not my cups of tea; I'm more familiar with a life of wasting away and malignant nonchalance. Or maybe I'm just irate because I know now, for sure, that my dreams-academics and otherwise- are way out of my league and that this is the stupidest I have ever felt in a long time. Bummer.

想要执着 反而磋跎 越是等候 反而越是错过
找到成就 反而堕落 越是温暖 反而越是折磨
寂寞 太多寂寞 反而喧哗 拥挤着我
自由 太多自由 反而想作笼里的野兽
而你 是否看穿了我 看穿了我 假装的冷漠
而你 是否害怕着我 反而带走属于我的温柔
看的清楚 反而朦胧 越是了解 反而越是惶恐
保持沉默 反而脆弱 越是忍耐 反而越是汹涌
自由 太多自由 反想做笼里的野兽

It is one day to the common tests and surprisingly, I'm feeling pretty chill. Maybe it is because nothing would change the outcome: however hard I try, the effort to arrest the overflow of red ink and crosses is futile. Again and again (and the cue for 2pm's song starts here), I know this scenario of last-minute cramming and selective studying too well. From next Tuesday, I will get into ignition. But for now, ten hours is the limit for me and tomorrow is going to be a (hopeful) full twelve of maths, maths and nothing but math. YAY. Until Wednesday then, when I will probably crawl back with scraped knees, defeated and depressed. Fortunately, I have my new favourite, NyLas, to console me. :)

My sleeping habits are inverted and I am a fullfledged nocturnal being now. But of all the hours in the early morning, none were devoted to studying, unfortunately. Instead, the time was spent on youtube, youtube and more youtube. From Yoona's Family Outing, to SNSD, to CL and Minji of 2NE1, to After School, to 2PM's Idol Show with Shinee, to 2PM performances, to Shinee's music videos, to more Family Outing, to Super Junior, to Popseoul. Everything and anything, except GPCRs and RTKs. I really can't express the amount of loathing I have for myself now. It was a fun twelve hours, of course, filled with squeals and laughter. But, what is the purpose of all that? Man, I need to get my head in the game, pronto. It doesn't help that I have been cooped up at home all week. Something has to give.


[edit] Loved it.

Accio, motivation! But...


Bring me, bring me, bring me to 九寨沟 please.

The euphoria of technicolour explosions and pyrotechnic starbursts have all but faded away. All that is left behind are mountains of plastick, redundant byproducts of human consumption and the hundreds of tonnes of carbon dioxide smothering the atmosphere, no thanks to ten minutes of oohs and aahs. I have the most dangerous moodswings. Just the thought of the coming months gives me splintering headaches. Orientation, soccer soccer soccer, Valentines, NTU MUN, It's In You, April Fools', ecetera ecetera, SATs again, prelims, then the pièce de résistance of our tertiary education: the A Levels. Many things on the plate, yes, but fret not, I am always one up for a buffet. Live to eat, don't merely eat to live. Besides, how can one remain down when one has the powdered company of sugarpop 雀斑? And thanks to my sister, I came to know of Lykke Li, who has some gorgeous songs too. Yikes, I was supposed to sleep two hours ago. Toodaloo!

看你头低低
像在叹息
发生了什么事情
可以不可以说给我听
也许能够帮你
如果可以就看心情
心情不好就看天气
那天气不好这就是老天的问题
如果上帝有坏脾气
不让晴天出来游戏
但至少我还可以唱歌给你听