if i fall

“Why do anything— why wash my hair, why read Moby Dick, why fall in love, why sit through six hours of Nicholas Nickleby, why care about American intervention in Central America, why spend time trying to get into the right schools, why dance to the music when all of us are just slouching toward the same inevitable conclusion? The shortness of life, I keep saying, makes everything seem pointless when I think about the longness of death” - Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation

My heart wrenched a little after stumbling across this quote. These harsh words speak the blunt truth and oh, many a day, have my mood soured because of these thoughts. The sun will burn out in a billion years (or some big number that is unfathomable using the human concept of time), the earth will probably be barren in some smaller (but still big) number of years, the people, such as you and me, will disappear from this world in a hundred or so years. Ouch, typing that out wrung my heart even more, because there is no escaping the reality. Fuuuuuuuuuuuck. But what else can we do, than to accept those facts and carry on with life? We have no other choice than to live, and to live as gloriously as we possibly can. Why do anything? Why do nothing!? Giving up on such the fussy trivialities and nuanced rituals is akin to giving up on life itself. Why bother hastening the beginning of The Great Unknown, when everything on this face of earth is both familiar and Not Known? So we will die someday, but for today, tomorrow and the day after tomorrow, we will live. We can live; we may live; we should live; we must live, because this is our only chance to do so consciously. And ohmygoodness, I am hoping that Jack Kerouac's On The Road will give me the final burst of determination and courage to live up to my mantra.

Well, the above block came across as very stilted. That is an after-effect of vegetating for too long, perhaps. It has been more than six weeks since I started working at USS. I have been pretty fortunate with the attraction I had been assigned to: the people, the place, the show, the days have been many kinds of wonderful. Much love goes out to my honey and my bunny hahaha, limping ling, the adorable ah mas, and pretty much everyone else at Pantages. So yeah, that's that. Results are coming on this Friday, which I still can't bring myself to give two hoots about. It is either a) retain and retake or b) slide into NUS. I wish I could afford a third option, but no. There is so much shit going on in the 2PM fandom as well. Oh, korean showbiz is such a mess. But it's okay, I will still support Jaebeom and 2PM (1.59/6PM?) no matter what, while growing my love for another fandom, ie U-Kiss HAHA. And I miss soccer girls, S11 people and IDEAS very very much. Uh yeah, cutting it off here because this entry cannot get any worse. Till another timeee.

Not Young

Rain makes everything beautiful. It washes away the grime, the filth, the rancidity that human beings create at every corner and turn. And voila, the streets are pristine; the roads are slick with a continually mottled sheet of moisture; the smell of wet grass and damp earth fills the air and inexplicable happiness rushes into the fibres of your very being. You can't help but go "YAYYY!" haha. Perhaps, I am happy because I am off today as well. Finally, some me-time! Hours upon languid hours of wasting away before the computer. MBLAQ, C.N Blue, U-KISS, 2PM, 1N2D, fluffy popcorn taiwanese dramas, anything goes for today. There is no need to answer to anyone: no need to put with the traffic-light moods of others or generate topics to sustain another's interest or bring myself to grow an interest in their topics. It is just me, my computer and my music. Heeheehee, the delirium that freedom bestows. Okay, or maybe it is the happy songs getting to me, tralala~