The Pursuit of Capital Letters

Alas, September has ended. It is time to be woken up, for unimaginative people (a.k.a me) who are akin to paraphrasing an old emo favourite. This preternatural calmness and nonchalance, it should worry me, but it isn't. We will just witness how I crash and burn in the following weeks to come~ Today has been a day of catching with fall tv, what else is new? But the new episodes have left me underwhelmed. HIMYM relies on the same few gags; 2 Broke Girls cashes in (lol!pun) mean-girl-good-girl schtick; Community is smarmy with its self-congratulation and attempts at stinging satires; Glee was... glee-like; New Girl seems to coast entirely on Zooey Deschanel's quirky-clumsy charm. (So adorable though. Especially when she averts her azure gaze and mumbles something incoherent. Or awkward fidgeting in the seat as the sunlight streams upon her mahogany tresses and alabaster skin.. Haha does this make me sound obsessed? Does it!?) Thank goodness for Modern Family and Parks and Recreation! The storylines may not have been as strong, but the characters and relationships are well-established and consistent, making it for delightful half-hours. It is getting harder to watch shows without frowning or clicks of distaste when problematic things are said or insinuated by the characters. And of course, you can enjoy shows without agreeing with the messages they are sending, but the pure joy of loving things wholeheartedly!- that is where the fun is at. And once again, real life is subsumed under reel life. HAHA. I kid. Mostly.

( more than fame and gold )

"Look at the sky: that is for you. Look at each person’s face as you pass on the street: those faces are for you. And the street itself, and the ground under the street, and the ball of fire underneath the ground: all these things are for you. There are as much for you as they are for other people. Remember this when you wake up in the morning and think you have nothing." - Miranda July

It is so easy to forget and take everything for granted. Forget that what we have before us is temporal and transient, like vaporous tendrils of mist loosely entangling you and people around you together. Forgive my poor illustrations and weird sentence structures, it has been too long since my grey matter had a crinkling and wrinkling. Lying supine on the bed, tapping away on the itouch in the quiet of the night, one can only register the emotion of bliss. Life has been treating me extremely well thus far, and I couldn't be more thankful. The days have filled with simple joys and hearty laughs, with much credit going to the Pantages crew. Going for budget (well, that was always the initial plan) dinners, impromptu movie outings, rofl-worthy msn conversations and text messages, visiting the park before the starting of shifts, becoming high on oxygen at the greeter portal, dancing unabashedly to 1960s happy hits, waving excitedly at people and being ignored, laughing hysterically at anybody who trips, having notsoclandestine group talks behind glassy staircase panels, lounging around in the playpen, tipping an ahma off about somebody's improper attire and being sabotaged right back by that somebody haha, making fun of each other's bad pronunciation and delayed reactions, laughing at a certain default face when default faces are around, clapping like excited baboons during the "awesome finale", and just enjoying the company of so many funfunny people. I hope that time will continue passing slowly. Oh, I feel so happy just to be alive, as an Everclear song goes. Never forget that life can be beautiful.

Just now, while scrolling through the facebook profiles of some random people, I felt an absolute disconnect with them. It was as if their lives and my life had always been parallel lines, never intersecting and careening off in their own directions. It is surreal to imagine that just five, six months ago, I was walking in the same compound as them, wearing the same grey uniform as them, even conversing and laughing with them. The rate at which we adapt to changes in life is almost scary to fathom. We are all in our little spheres, revolving away from each other, like flimsy filmy bubbles blown away from the same soapy stick and released into the wide wide world out there. I am probably never going to see some of these people again. How tragically beautiful all this is: the inevitable scruffing out of chalk-drawn relationship lines by the footsteps of time. The jimmy jib will be retracted, the clapboard will be closed for good, the lights will dim upon people whom we hold so dear right now. And all at the same time, we will prepare the very same stage-set for people to saunter in and strut their stuff.

But oh, I don’t want to- and I cannot- imagine that happening to some people in my life. Of course, there is always the promise to keep in touch, but face up to it, how many people really do make an effort to stay in your life? Or maybe it is just me, and that my whole life would be spent chasing after others. It just grows more and more tiring though.

Right now, things are changing so quickly at the workplace: casuals are reduced to working 3 days a week from next week; my sister said I may be able to intern at RazorTV; a few colleagues are becoming more and more annoying. I cannot bear the thought of being separated from HJ, YJ, PL and the ah mas right now. But the eventual time to do so can only draw closer and closer. Ah, that will be talk for another day though. In the meantime, life will run its own course..