The Pursuit of Capital Letters

Alas, September has ended. It is time to be woken up, for unimaginative people (a.k.a me) who are akin to paraphrasing an old emo favourite. This preternatural calmness and nonchalance, it should worry me, but it isn't. We will just witness how I crash and burn in the following weeks to come~ Today has been a day of catching with fall tv, what else is new? But the new episodes have left me underwhelmed. HIMYM relies on the same few gags; 2 Broke Girls cashes in (lol!pun) mean-girl-good-girl schtick; Community is smarmy with its self-congratulation and attempts at stinging satires; Glee was... glee-like; New Girl seems to coast entirely on Zooey Deschanel's quirky-clumsy charm. (So adorable though. Especially when she averts her azure gaze and mumbles something incoherent. Or awkward fidgeting in the seat as the sunlight streams upon her mahogany tresses and alabaster skin.. Haha does this make me sound obsessed? Does it!?) Thank goodness for Modern Family and Parks and Recreation! The storylines may not have been as strong, but the characters and relationships are well-established and consistent, making it for delightful half-hours. It is getting harder to watch shows without frowning or clicks of distaste when problematic things are said or insinuated by the characters. And of course, you can enjoy shows without agreeing with the messages they are sending, but the pure joy of loving things wholeheartedly!- that is where the fun is at. And once again, real life is subsumed under reel life. HAHA. I kid. Mostly.

( more than fame and gold )

Today was an abject waste of time. As usual. Just the way I like it. Catching up on fall TV premieres, skimming through kpop news, casually booting up a few games of Scramble and Sims Social - it is almost as if I do not have two group projects and six essays to care about! Yes, I counted the number of items on the to-do checklist and that activity stressed me so much that I watched Blue Valentine. Bad choice, because it was a good but incredibly heart-wrenching film. Thus, I am in no mood to start on Deviance readings, because my aorta is bleeding sympathy and sadness for the characters. Such is my life.

( Blue Valentine )

( A summary of days )

On some days, it is easy. But yesterday, that was when things became difficult. When you are young, the world is yours to conquer. Elaborate justifications are put into place, aided by the expanse of time sprawling away from you. There is always time, ripe for the picking. But what do you do when your grandmother turns to you, a bit teary-eyed, and says that she is scared? That 一天一天地过去，孩子越来越大，老人越来越怕. That the winding down of days is simultaneously the winding down of days left. When you are young, the end is at the end of concerns crowding your mind. Friendships, relationships, and all those ships: they are berthed in the shallow-water harbour of thoughts. Mortality and its great purposes are meaty issues to think over, with time to digest it over. But that is the privilege of the young (and youthful). What can you do, other than hold her hand and listen? I don't know; it is hard.

It recently occurred to me that what people are seeking for are human connections in the present. The warmth of a hand, the reassurance of a smile, the appreciation of a shared sense of humour. Our lives are segmented into what and when you deigned to share with others. How can one truly know another person? Even so, what would that mean? The having-been-there is what keeps us going. That, and songs like this, which makes you clutch your heart in something between sadness and hopefulness.