He's like a planet, Saturn say

[methrowrock]

Wendy: I wish there's a movie showing right now.
Neil: Me too.
Wendy: A film about our lives. Everything's that's happened so far. And the last scene would just be us standing right here.


Neil: As we sat there listening to the carolers, I wanted to tell Brian that it was over now and that everything would be okay. But that was a lie, plus I couldn't speak anyway. I wish there was some way to go back and undo the past. But there wasn't. There was nothing we could do. So I just stayed silent and tried to telepathically communicate how sorry I was about what happened. And I thought of all the grief and suffering and fucked up stuff in the world, and it made me want to escape. I wished with all my heart we could just leave this world behind. Rise like two angels in the night and magically disappear.




you know, sometimes, when you were young, you had fears,-of the dark, of the bogeyman behind the closet, of empty corners of empty rooms-, and you had bad habits,-such as biting your fingernails, or sucking your thumb, or sticking your boogers underneath dusty window-grilles-, that were really childish and disgusting to remember. but as you grew up, as time passed, you kicked them off one by one, peeled them off effortlessly and flung them away hastily like stinky rottoncotton socks. they were like dried flaky skin, you were like the caterpillar, you are like the butterfly-in-waiting. things just happened, this is natural order of life, it is supposed to be this way. but what if, WHAT IF, some of these damn things clung onto you and never let go, preferring to sink under the increasingly-greasy angry red pustules and become poison to feed whatever was bad about you. you can't write it off any longer; you can't wave and say "oh i'll grow out of it" because- heysayjump!insurprise- you're a grown-up, dude, you grew up; you can't have excuses for being this sorry excuse of a human being anymore. and then, you start to wonder, you start to doubt, you start trying to figure out the exact point when things went wrong with your life and the events that plausibly undid it all and made you into such a screwed-up person. and then, you realise the saddest and scariest thing of all: you don't have thechance+thechoice to change. you're just going to stay as the screwed-up person as you are; this effed-up mindset is going to follow you for the rest of your life; like it or not, that's it, that's you. AND THEN, when you look through old photobooks, you flip over pages and pages of an adorably buck-toothed toddler, sand-bucket and spade in hand, ready to take on the world, and you cry & cry & cry for the injustice of it all.

Comments

[xhellosunshine.livejournal.com]

Hahaha I wanted to watch this movie! I guess I'll have to now.

(Hope you're doing well!)

[methrowrock.livejournal.com]

yes, you should! :)

(hope you're doing well too! :D)