someone, please cut the lights
Mar. 30th, 2011 03:18 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
methrowrockYesterday night was supposed to be one where I could sleep triumphantly and placidly. Every paragraph felt like a Halloween carving of my pumpkin flesh, but hell, I managed to conjure up those two dreaded essays during the witching hours. The result? Peering longingly at the bed as a gentle drizzle settled over the city, hearing the routine broomstick rustling at 5am, scampering out to see daybreak and people trudging to the station with yet-unkempt hair, no longer surprising my mom when I stroll out nonchalantly at 7am, rolling and lolling around at 8am with bleary eyes and movement at 0.8x speed, zoning out and shutting down for entire blocks of time. All in a day's work. Yesterday was the heralded return to the sleeping throne, But life usually has other plans, and thus, I was kept up all night (again!) by a nagging toothache. I winked continuously, I squeezed out a few tears, I froze up, I assembled a permutation of contortions, but nope! The world of the living dead deemed me unfit for entry for a few hours. What else could I do? Do what I do best, of course = surfing around aimlessly online. I need to stop being impressed by bullshit, or comparing the lives of others with my own. When will I understand that people are intrinsically different, even though we are all socialized to desire to emulate the same, shiny ideal? Some people have got the looks, the clothes, the pizzazz, and that is great for them. But they are them, and their lives have nothing to do with mine. Montesquieu said that "If we only wanted to be happy it would be easy; but we want to be happier than other people, which is almost always difficult, since we think them happier than they are." This reminds of the issue of relative gains in IR. Anyway, I should internalize that. Imagine a reticulation of diaphanous rail-tracks being superimposed onto our objective reality. Nobody is heading in the same direction, neither should we want to, because we got our own train to steer and that will keep us busy enough.
The same goes for kpop. Sure, they are amazing, talented, and funny, but what is the point of growing so besotted with them? An enjoyable time-waster, but nonetheless, a time-waster. Okay, this could apply to books, movies and the like as well. I guess I need to find something that I can use to synthesize meaning relevant to my own experiences. Or, much simpler: just not spend such an inordinate amount of time on certain leisurely activities.
Ok, that was a hazy brick of fractured thoughts. The main point is: I should not waste so much time. My parents are paying $7000 a year for a reason. That is to get good grades, get the degree, and use it as a paper-surfboard to ride the waves of time. Not everybody can be a cruise-ship taitai. I often forget that,- not the taitai part, no- as can be evidenced by my whining about needing to do essays. I should be ashamed; I am ashamed. PRIORITIES, I SHULD HAS THEM! Then again, easier said than done.
Sidenote: been skulking around youtube for awhile and stumbled upon some good finds. Neon Indian, Beach House, Geographer, Mostar Diving Club, Best Coast: hurray for notsotwee music! Maybe I have had certain songs for too long, but whenever Augustana comes on, I feel like punching a passerby in the face. Or maybe, it is hidden rage at world, FFUUUUUU!!! Hehe, been browsing too much comixed/artoftrolling/memebase of late. = WASTING TIME. FFUUUUUU!!! I am my own greatest troll.
The same goes for kpop. Sure, they are amazing, talented, and funny, but what is the point of growing so besotted with them? An enjoyable time-waster, but nonetheless, a time-waster. Okay, this could apply to books, movies and the like as well. I guess I need to find something that I can use to synthesize meaning relevant to my own experiences. Or, much simpler: just not spend such an inordinate amount of time on certain leisurely activities.
Ok, that was a hazy brick of fractured thoughts. The main point is: I should not waste so much time. My parents are paying $7000 a year for a reason. That is to get good grades, get the degree, and use it as a paper-surfboard to ride the waves of time. Not everybody can be a cruise-ship taitai. I often forget that,- not the taitai part, no- as can be evidenced by my whining about needing to do essays. I should be ashamed; I am ashamed. PRIORITIES, I SHULD HAS THEM! Then again, easier said than done.
Sidenote: been skulking around youtube for awhile and stumbled upon some good finds. Neon Indian, Beach House, Geographer, Mostar Diving Club, Best Coast: hurray for notsotwee music! Maybe I have had certain songs for too long, but whenever Augustana comes on, I feel like punching a passerby in the face. Or maybe, it is hidden rage at world, FFUUUUUU!!! Hehe, been browsing too much comixed/artoftrolling/memebase of late. = WASTING TIME. FFUUUUUU!!! I am my own greatest troll.
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no subject
Date: 2011-03-31 08:45 am (UTC)have you gone to the dentist? i experience tooth & gum aches quite a lot because of my wisdom teeth. i know how terrible you must feel. you should try taking a bit of paracetamol to ease the pain.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-02 03:25 pm (UTC)and yep, i went to the dentist, and apparently, it was an infection from a wisdom tooth. will be going for an xray soon. yikes, are you planning to go for an operation then?
no subject
Date: 2011-04-02 04:12 pm (UTC)my doctor says my tooth is still in the process of growing. the occasional growth spurts come and go, which is what's causing the pain. i'll have to wait until it fully grows out before i can pluck those suckers out.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-05 02:10 pm (UTC)and ah, i see. yikes, the growing out part is the worst part. can't eat properly, can't talk properly, can't smile properly. hope it stops growing soon!