autumn's hue in those sad eyes

[methrowrock]

I was reading my old entries when a sudden realisation hit me: I hate the way I post. It is disorganized, scattered and flighty. There are too many exclamation marks and shallow observations. I sound like a stupid, easily excitable bimbo who cares about nothing but her own circle, her own life and her own world. That's not true. Granted, the first two characteristics may get a few heads nodding but the last two- no, never, I'd much rather tie boulders to my ankles and jump into the ocean than morphing into that. It is not that I am prejudiced against them- it is just that I'd hate to be taken lightly, I'd hate to be regarded as a fruitcake. But as Margaret Thatcher phrased it so succintly before, "Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't.", except that in this case, power is replaced by depth. So perhaps, this deperate post shows that I am really a foolish, grinning idiot after all. Maybe. I bottle things up way past the healthy limit, probably. I don't know, I don't know. All I want to do is to listen to Bat For Lashes "Sad Eyes" over and over again, trying to understand the feelings stirred up, trying to get at that gnawing itch of experiencing something but not fully comprehending the situation then, trying to scratch off the bulbous scab from somewound made sometime ago by someone somehow somewhere, soemthing like that. Perhaps one of the worst things about me is that I don't get what I'm saying either. Foolish, grinning idiot, you in the mirror.

And when you smile, those sad eyes
Look sadder and sadder still



Sometimes, I wish I was brilliant.

Comments

[crystalfiery.livejournal.com]

If I might say this, your posts are interesting! :D
Other than the fact that they're long, lol.
XD;

Being extremely incredibly brilliant would mean that you wouldn't be where you are now. And if you weren't brilliant you wouldn't be in the school where you are in either! Depends on how you look at it, actually.

[methrowrock.livejournal.com]

Hahaha aww man, thanks. Ah, it's long cos I talk alot of crap yuh haha. And true true, wise advice.. Thanks for caring ah! :)