The Pursuit of Capital Letters

I need to stop living in cyberspace, feeding off scraps of other people's lives. Of late, I have been cooped up in my head, with feverish and futile thoughts bouncing around in my thick skull. It is stupid to harbour hopes for somebody to turn this way. For what it worth, I just want to understand why you are hurting and try to make it all better, although knowing my clumsy lack of tact and insight, I will probably make things worse. What could I possibly do for you anyway? This is pointless. Never mind. If I were you, I would be disgusted with myself too. So much for self-esteem, yaw. I need to find more nice new songs! The Cardigans has a few sparkling gems; The Dead Weather has a haunting anthem called "I Can't Hear You", and in Cultural Studies today, the lecturer played some brilliant oldies. More is more in this case. For now, readings, here I comeeeee.

The first time that I set my eyes upon you, I felt that you were different from the rest. You were intriguing, you were mysterious, you were riveting. Still are, actually. Too bad I will probably never get to know you enough to find out what makes you tick, because I got a feeling that I would like it very much.

"We’re young. We’re supposed to drink too much. We’re supposed to have bad attitudes and shag each other’s brains out. We were designed to party. We owe it to ourselves to party hard. We owe it to each other. This is it. This is our time! So a few of us will overdose, or go mental. Charles Darwin said you can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs. That’s what it’s about- breaking eggs- by eggs, I mean, getting twatted on a cocktail of class As. We had it all. We have fucked up bigger and better than any generation that came before us. We were so beautiful!" - Nathan, Misfits S01E06

That was one of the scenes in Misfits that leapt out at me visually and aurally. His desperate pleas to have (dis)order restored to the world upon the rooftop, the coiffured audience below with saucer-eyes and disapproving frowns, his sharp suit and monochromatic combination juxtaposed against the floral explosion below, and it was his continuous build-up of urgency that eventually got to me, that convinced me. The last statement, "we were so beautiful!", was so succinct and absolute. Ignore the examples, ignore the context, and you can almost hear a dozen songs in your head with the same sentiments. It smells like teen spirit, we've got the dreamer's disease, I'll tell you everything about living free, Xavia, who will save us?, we are fated to pretend and et cetera. The last is my current favourite: "Time to Pretend" by MGMT. It came up on the playlist as I was crossing the school field on the way home this afternoon. And whoa, it was like tripping on acid, colour-saturated and hazy spinning: the grass was the one on the other side for a while,; the sky, oh, a blue that stung your eyes; the wind cuddling and coddling with a balmy warmth; the sun blazing and bouncing with my every step. I felt invincible. I felt that life was an infinite high. Then, the saddest song came up next, so the mood was instantly killed. But it's okay, the five minutes was worth the whole day. :)

Of course, I had to waste it all away by napping for two hours, surfing the net for three and now, I am left with a mountain of readings that I don't know where to start razing. Good thing though, is that I did some background research for the JS project! WHOO. Things have gotten interesting again; I realised only now that I like what I'm doing. Anything would be better than maths and sciences. This will be the start of a new me. If not, I will roll down a hill HAHA. So, it's time to embark on those HY and PS readings. No sleep tonight!!