abracadabra

It has been a great week so far. Sure, the homework load may have been suffocating and the results may have been (much) less than satisfactory, but considering the amount of effort I invested into studying, it's no surprise after all. Perhaps the main reason why I fail is because I'm afraid of failure. Sounds like a muddlesome conundrum eh. But it's easy enough to understand. With emotions detached and hopes unpegged from the clothesline of lofty aspirations, a spanking failure can always be chalked up to iwillstudyhardernexttimes. "it wasn't for the lack of intelligence, it was for the lack of effort", "if I try, I can do it" - that's what I'm trying to sell myself. And cowardly me bought the salesman's pitch and chose to run away from my fear. Stupid really, deceiving myself and letting my parents down in the process. Not cool. I wish, I wish, I wish. But it's too late and I probably can't do it even if I try. Idiot.

( But heck the bad stuff. )

( yaaaaaaaa-kin ah! )

( And the best thing that happened all week... )

That being said, it's not exactly true that all things are fine and dandy. Lately, I've come to discover things that I dislike, things that I didn't bother about before. About myself, about people, about the environment. Could I have been blind before? Or was it that I simply chose to ignore it to sing myself a merry nursery rhyme? Maybe baby. But the only thing that I have control over is myself and sometimes, that's the hardest part to change. It is so much easier to lean back and shift the blame somewhere else. But I know, I would never forgive myself like that. To hell with you, kiddo. It's just a mountain over a molehill.

I miss going crazy over Korean fandoms with Jia.